I have always had trouble trusting people.

I’m unsure why that is, but I have struggled with it for a while. The problem with this is that we all need human connection. A life lived alone is not really a life at all, and over the years, as I have gone into my lone wolf modes, I have always suffered for it.

I have realized this even more recently as I’ve settled into my new home and community in Tennessee.

When my wife and I moved down here, I kicked and screamed the whole time. I couldn’t accept that I was leaving my family and friends behind in Philly and starting over again in a new state.

But acceptance is a gateway to peace. And accepting impermanence and the fact that everything is constantly changing is also the path to a more stable and fulfilling life.

This brings me to community.

Community can be scary for me. What if someone hurts me? What if I can’t trust the people of this community? What if?

I have the uncanny ability to catastrophize things. The anxiety creeps in, and my mind starts surveying the future for worst-case scenarios, playing each one out in my head like my own personal horror movie.

But there’s a flip side to this coin.

What if I meet my new best friend? What if I find a loving community and make memories that I cherish forever? What if?

In my meditation practice, I’ve been trying to move away from the stories and the narratives about my life and life in general.

Humans love to tell stories, but the problem is that these stories can often be untrue when it comes to our own lives.

So, I sit with the thoughts that swirl in my head, and I learn to question them. beyond that, I let them pass by like driftwood floating down a stream. I try not to jump on each piece and follow it.

What is God’s will for me? Well, I don’t know.

Will bad things happen again? Maybe.

But so will good things. And neutral things. And everything in between on the spectrum of this thing we call life.

If I can stay with this and practice not attaching to the stories, narratives, worries, and anxieties, I will find contentment. It’s like an open field where the sun shines beyond the storm of thoughts left behind.

But the storm always comes back. It’s just a matter of letting it pass, picking up the pieces, and waiting for the sun to shine again.