dark humor
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Custodian of the Cult
Stan didn’t mind the graveyard shift at Denver International Airport. It was quiet. Peaceful, even. After the last red-eye took off, the terminal lights dimmed and the only sound was the rhythmic squeak of his mop across polished floors. He’d… Continue reading
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Fragments, 5.21.25
There’s always something strange on my commute, but this Mother’s Day stood out like the sorest of thumbs. On the ride home, I passed a man walking along the sidewalk, casually gripping a machete. He looked menacing enough that, for… Continue reading
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Regret Comes Shuffling In
Mildred had always said her Harold was a hard man to live with, but an even harder one to live without. So when she discovered a dusty old necromancy manual wedged behind the casserole dishes at St. Ignatius’s rummage sale,… Continue reading
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Grandma’s Thrift & Bone
The sign out front said “GRANDMA’S THRIFT & BONE – UNDEAD GOODS, AMAZING PRICES!” in flaking paint and what might have been coagulated blood. Beneath it, a handwritten chalkboard cheerfully advertised: TODAY’S SPECIAL: BUY ONE SKULL, GET A FREE TIBIA!… Continue reading
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Sweet Tooth
The rain came down like God had tripped over His own garden hose. Thunder rolled across the suburbs of Evershade in ominous belches, and Nick, the most underpaid cookie delivery driver this side of the apocalypse, squinted through his cracked… Continue reading
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Neither Snow Nor Rain Nor Your Eternal Screams
On the dead-end stretch of Hemlock Circle, the lawns were manicured, the dogs were quiet, and the mailboxes were all sealed with holy water and zip ties. Because of Harold. The mailman. He came every day at 3:33 PM, sharp… Continue reading
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The Dandelion Rite
Every spring, just as the dandelions began to blossom, the townsfolk of Gristlethatch performed The Planting. It was tradition, ancient and grim. No one quite remembered how it started—some said it was in the town charter, others blamed the bees—but… Continue reading
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A Very Dysfunctional White Elephant
The Hensley family Christmas was always a volatile affair, but this year promised to be especially catastrophic. Aunt Carol, freshly divorced, arrived with a bottle of merlot she refused to share. Uncle Greg had already dipped into his “festive flask,”… Continue reading
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Jesus, the Nail Technician of Glory
Brothers and sisters in Christ, beloved turtles of His pasture, gather round! For today, we’re gonna talk about a Jesus you’ve never considered before. Oh, I feel the Spirit trembling in my pelvis—this one’s gonna knock your socks off and… Continue reading
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Christ On A Pogo Stick
This cold rain is pissing me off like a teething baby raccoon going through my underwear. Why did I have to spill the raw essence of my soul just to buy a popsicle? Everything’s gone sideways. The neighbors don’t even… Continue reading
God Is In The Radio 