humor
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My Child, the Cat
Behold! Young Duchess FluffernoonA tabby born by crescent moonWith eyes of jade & fur so sleekShe rules the house & licks my cheek I swaddle her in cashmere wrapsShe naps atop my laundry stacksAt night, I read her bedtime talesOf… Continue reading
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Regret Comes Shuffling In
Mildred had always said her Harold was a hard man to live with, but an even harder one to live without. So when she discovered a dusty old necromancy manual wedged behind the casserole dishes at St. Ignatius’s rummage sale,… Continue reading
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Grandma’s Thrift & Bone
The sign out front said “GRANDMA’S THRIFT & BONE – UNDEAD GOODS, AMAZING PRICES!” in flaking paint and what might have been coagulated blood. Beneath it, a handwritten chalkboard cheerfully advertised: TODAY’S SPECIAL: BUY ONE SKULL, GET A FREE TIBIA!… Continue reading
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This Land Is My Land (Unless It’s Gated)
Johnny Appleseed woke behind a Taco Bell dumpster with apple seeds in his beard and a parking ticket stapled to his tunic. The year was 2025, the air smelled faintly of vape juice and synthetic optimism, and Johnny was—once again—an… Continue reading
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Sweet Tooth
The rain came down like God had tripped over His own garden hose. Thunder rolled across the suburbs of Evershade in ominous belches, and Nick, the most underpaid cookie delivery driver this side of the apocalypse, squinted through his cracked… Continue reading
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Neither Snow Nor Rain Nor Your Eternal Screams
On the dead-end stretch of Hemlock Circle, the lawns were manicured, the dogs were quiet, and the mailboxes were all sealed with holy water and zip ties. Because of Harold. The mailman. He came every day at 3:33 PM, sharp… Continue reading
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The Epistle of Zarnak
It was found in the crawlspace behind Father Lorenzo’s confessional booth, bound in eel skin and smelling faintly of burnt copper. The Vatican had no record of it. No index matched its glyphs, and the pages whispered to one another… Continue reading
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The Dandelion Rite
Every spring, just as the dandelions began to blossom, the townsfolk of Gristlethatch performed The Planting. It was tradition, ancient and grim. No one quite remembered how it started—some said it was in the town charter, others blamed the bees—but… Continue reading
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A Very Dysfunctional White Elephant
The Hensley family Christmas was always a volatile affair, but this year promised to be especially catastrophic. Aunt Carol, freshly divorced, arrived with a bottle of merlot she refused to share. Uncle Greg had already dipped into his “festive flask,”… Continue reading
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Jesus, the Nail Technician of Glory
Brothers and sisters in Christ, beloved turtles of His pasture, gather round! For today, we’re gonna talk about a Jesus you’ve never considered before. Oh, I feel the Spirit trembling in my pelvis—this one’s gonna knock your socks off and… Continue reading
God Is In The Radio 