Behold! Young Duchess Fluffernoon
A tabby born by crescent moon
With eyes of jade & fur so sleek
She rules the house & licks my cheek

I swaddle her in cashmere wraps
She naps atop my laundry stacks
At night, I read her bedtime tales
Of tuna storms & mouse-tail gales

She rides inside my baby sling
To Starbucks, yoga, & fencing
When strangers ask, “How old is she?”
I beam: “Just four in cat plus three!”

She snacks on duck pâté & peas
Rejects it all, then licks her knees
Her stroller’s got a cup holder
For lattes & furballs, what could be bolder?

She’s had six birthdays in one year
Each one with cake & fancy gear
She wore a tiara for month four
And screamed when guests came through the door

I signed her up for pre-K classes
She bit the kids & scratched their glasses
Now we do therapy once a week
She hisses less, though she’s still quite bleak

But judge me not, ye normal folk
For love’s not bound by human yoke
She’s child, companion, queen, & brat
And yes … I would die for that cat

Author’s Note: The photo for this post (which I’ll share below, too) is a bumper sticker I spotted on the way to work a few weeks ago.

My wife is the type who treats our pets like children, so I figured I’d play around with the idea with a silly poem 🙂